Life Lessons - Updated 2/21/2023

I thought a good use of my next post would be to get down on paper (or blog) my key takeaways in life. I am sure most of them I have attempted to pass on to my children verbally, but apparently never really stuck. My thinking is that I will put it on the Internet, and then they will somehow find it, and since everything on the Internet is true, there is probably a better chance they will take these things seriously. 

Some of these will be common sense, some will be lessons that took me 50+ years to grasp, and still others are lessons I have learned, but still trying to apply them on a daily basis. No order other than the random order I recalled them.

#1 - If you say your going to do something, do it. 

A high “say-do” ratio is a sticking point for me and one that I starting taking as a key value in my life at around 40 years of age. My classic example of this in action is my Washer & Dryer Commitment blog post which goes into detail. I am also a realist and sometimes things just don’t go to plan, that’s where the other lessons come in, but the key is to be honest, upfront, and notify as early as possible when it doesn’t work out.

#2 - No matter how good you are at something, there is always room to improve.

This one is probably a little harder for young adults to grasp as they “know everything” (see #10 below). I picked this up early in my career in the corporate world and it was just so obvious and it stuck. 

#3 - Try to be a slightly better person each day.

I have made many mistakes and wasn’t always the person I could have been / should have been, wanted to be. It wasn’t until probably age 45 or so that I took a look at the damage I had done, the people in my life, and really decided I can do better, I can be a better person. Don’t get me wrong, every day is a struggle and some days are steps backwards and not forward. I use those days I go backward to reflect on what I could have done differently.

#4 - If you truly love your work, you have found the Golden Ticket (A Willy Wanka reference). 

This one will mean different things to different people and ultimately may come down to how one defines success in a career. In my early days as a computer programmer, I worked a lot (and I mean A LOT)….I just loved programming and in the day I was pretty decent at it. Later I moved into management and leadership and the joy for the work was reduced and replaced by bigger and bigger paychecks…the bigger the paycheck, the bigger the misery. I actually enjoyed the leadership component, but the corporate wrapper (or facade) around it made me cringe. Eventually I had to make a choice, have more money, or have more happiness…I chose the later and have never regretted the decision. 

#5 - Work life balance is a must.

I had no concept of this and probably still don’t. My daughter has this perfectly and I envy her. Moving out on my own gave me the flexibility to at least work as hard as I want, know I can take it easy any time I want and do some of the more creative things (like this) to fill my time. The fact of the matter is that I will work until I am physically unable to work any longer and am a classic workaholic, so finding a way to “work” and do it in a way that makes me happy and brings joy to others on a good day seems to be a happy medium. I will tweak this as I go for sure.

#6 - When making large purchases, ask yourself “Will this change my quality of life”?

After my divorce, I was for all practical purposes, penniless. I was in the negative every month and had a tremendous amount of debt. There are probably a dozen or so lessons which came out of this but this one is focused on how my buying habits change thereafter and still stick to this day. For me, a large purchase is anything that is over $100 or so and Zabrina has also adopted this philosophy as well. If we are looking to buy something that we really think will this purchase improve my life long term in a meaningful way? If the answer is no….we usually don’t purchase it. We have one television in our house, a modest house at most even though we could have afforded one twice the size at one point. What are some of the things we feel do improve our life? 1) our Breville coffee maker, we don’t buy coffee anymore from a coffee shop, ours is on par or better, 2) the Porsches…this is for me, but Zabrina would agree that at least one of them (The Beast) has changed our life, we spend more time together, take drives, hikes, roam the state, etc., 3) Timberland boots, 4) Furniture. If we know we are going to buy something, then we opt to go for a high quality item that will last and stand the test of time vs buying something cheap.

Anyway, you get the idea…and when you do opt to make a good purchase, buy quality, it will be worth it. Ask yourself this question whenever you make a larger purchase and see what you really need (vs want).

#7 - Living debt free is pretty cool.

As Forest Gump would say…”That’s all I got to say about that” (or something to that effect). See #6 above for the alternative.

#8 - Be accountable.

At any age, most everyone goes looking for excuses…and the younger you are, the deeper you dig to find one when something doesn’t go right. As one moves into a career and serious relationships, showing accountability on your words and actions tells more about who you are and your character more than most anything else. This one is goes closely with the classic “don’t make the same mistake twice” rule we have all heard, and being accountable and admitting mistakes can only go so far and loses its effectiveness when it is for the same thing…so, be accountable, but it is key to learn from your mistakes at the same time. You will be surprised how well others will receive bad news when they are being told honestly and in a timely manner.

#9 - Assume people are good until proven otherwise.

Probably not the easiest thing for a young adult to learn (or even an older adult for that matter) because too often we judge someone based on first impressions or stereotypes. This is something I have put front and center since I started selling online and have a very generous return policy and will trust every buyer or prospective customer until proven otherwise. The alternative was to be of the mindset that everyone is out to scam you….I chose the former.

#10 - You don’t know everything.

If your over 30, you probably figured it out. If your in your 20s, it’s coming to you slowly but you still can’t believe it. If your under 20, you need some reinforcement…here it goes…

Me: No, you don’t know. Really, you don’t. Don't Don’t Don’t. Still don’t. (10 minutes later)…Nope, not now either…never, not now, not in 50 years. Not EVER.

Our Child’s Response: I know!

Me: Arggggggggghhhhhhh!!!

#11 - Only break 1 law at a time.

This is from my sister Pammy (she will hate that reference), it has been tried and true, kept me out of a lot of trouble…she grew up in the 60s and 70s, she has street cred on this subject. No more explanation needed, although I could have heeded this advice a little earlier and avoided jail a few times (40+ years ago, but it still stings).

#12 - Make yourself so valuable to your employer, you are indispensable.

An interesting one for sure. You want to be a team player and all and make sure you train others to take your place so you can move up, but let’s not be naive.  Corporate America is cut throat and you should always keep a little held back for job security or at least make sure you are regarded consistently as a top performer. Or better yet…just work for yourself.

#13 - It’s not the destination, but the journey

I have no doubt someone or many others coined this long before me. This was something that just came about once I started setting goals…doesn’t matter if personal or professional, it is working toward a goal, making progress and experiencing setbacks that is the majority of the enjoyment of it. There is actually one more key thing that is even more important than the journey…and that is the dream, that thing you just love to over think when you close your eyes to go to sleep and work out every little next step and the glory of success. Think about buying a new house…the hunting, the drawing of floor plans and landscapes, the open houses and seeing what you like and what you don’t.  This is exactly what is happening with me and SecondMoonshot, I am just enjoying the ride!

#14 - There are no shortcuts to quality

While it came to me from my sister in Colorado, it’s a common message especially in “the real world” of work in almost any field. With few exceptions (normally driven by innovations and hard work elsewhere), quality costs.

#15 - If it’s not worth doing, it’s not worth doing well 

Also from my sister, this one is not as obvious to me, but I’ll give it a shot. If something just isn’t worth spending time and effort to do, meaning it won’t change outcomes in any demonstrable way, than putting even more effort to that objective will have no additional value…you just wasted even more time and effort doing something meaningless (albeit a more perfect meaningless thing).

Thats it for now, check back periodically, I am sure I will add more over time.

John